Is It Just Me?

by “Anita Neulyfe”

At times you just have to wonder, “Is it just me?” My day started out like any other. However, once I arrived at the gym for my early morning workout things began to change.  So there I was in my navy blue track pants, loosely fitting t-shirt, tennis shoes, red faced and sweating profusely.  I went into the small equipment room at the gym to grab a resistance band and start in on my bicep curls.  At the end of my work out, as frequently happens after you have jostled yourself around, the displaced air in my body sought an exit point.  So, being the nicely brought-up gal that I am, I glanced around to see if there was anyone near that I might offend. Since there was not, I decided to allow some air passage.  Inevitably, right after I finished, a young, good looking, buff man came walking into the equipment room.  Not only did he come into the room, but he proceeded to walk over directly behind me in the “kill zone” and bent down to retrieve a dumb bell.  Not knowing what to do, I continued my bicep curls and wondered, “Do you think he smelled that?” I then experimentally tested the air myself.  “Oh yeah, he smelt that!” Completely embarrassed I finished my workout and silently slunk out of the gym, hoping that me and my faux pas would quickly dissipate from his memory.

I realized I needed to rush home and quickly change clothes to be on time for my scheduled time slot with the stylist. I bolted for home, quickly changed and thought of the relaxing chair at the salon. The pampering by my hairstylist is the best! It is the most relaxing experience I have in my entire day. I grabbed a pair of jeans, put them on, changed my top and out the door I went. I arrived in the nick of time so life was good. Now it was my turn to relax and have someone play with my hair. (Sigh). A few minutes into the relaxing experience I noticed a curious look on my stylist’s face. I can see his face in the mirror and he appears to be looking toward my feet. I thought, oh well, and I took a deep breath and returned to Zen. A few minutes passed and the stylist again gives me a puzzled look. I ask him, “What’s wrong?” He in turn asked me, “What is hanging out of your pant leg?” I looked down and noticed a pair of underwear hanging out of one pant leg. At this point I removed my underwear from my jeans, excused myself, went into the bathroom and stuck the underwear in my purse. When I returned to the chair my stylist was laughing his back off. He has been cutting hair for many years and has never had a client lose their underwear while in his chair. I learned an important lesson. When taking off clothing, remove jeans and underwear individually, instead of one quick sweep. That will eliminate the chances of the underwear getting caught in a pant leg and falling out in a public place. Life is always an adventure!

Now, I realize this is not exactly lady-like behavior, but I am always looking for a good laugh and as far as my day had been going, I needed one.  My friend Mary and I decided to run some errands. It was a beautiful spring day and everyone was walking their dog, riding their bike, or enjoying a walk and taking in the scenery.  Don’t ask me why, but I decided I would “add” to this beautiful scenery.  As we were driving around the lake I decided to do a little flashing.  So while Mary drove she honked at passersby, and then I turned and lifted up my shirt.  We were in stitches.  I began to get more daring, so when we drove up next to a man on a bike, I said, “Watch this one.” “This one is going to be good!”  We drove by, she honked, and I rolled down the window and stuck my body out up to my waist, and lifted my shirt with a big “Woo Who” or something to that effect.  I ducked back into the car laughing hysterically. When I looked back, the biker had crashed!  Mary turned around to go past the biker to make sure he was okay. As we drove by slowly and looked, I realized I knew him!! 

As my day was complete, I returned home to the couch calling my name. I gratefully answered it with a plop. My daughter immediately asked if she could “fix” my hair, a favorite activity of hers. I was more than happy to oblige. She gathered her soft brush and basket filled with colorful plastic barrettes. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the brush massaging my scalp and the gentle touch of her fingers making tiny braids with small sections of my hair. Each braid was clipped securely with a yellow butterfly, pink poodle, blue kitty, or a green bunny. I looked fabulous. All too soon, it was her bedtime. After sending her upstairs, I went to the kitchen to set out bowls and a box of cereal for breakfast the next morning. After a quick peek into the refrigerator, my heart sank. There sat a carton with six drops of milk and an empty container of juice greeted me as well. I had to run to the store before it closed.

I grabbed my car keys and some money and flew out the door. The parking lot was full when I arrived at the store. I ran in to get the items I needed, but as flew down the aisle I noticed people were grinning at me. When I rounded the corner a group of teens started to laugh. Did I have a hole in my pants or something? I snatched the milk and juice from the cooler and hurried to the checkout counter. Still, people were looking and laughing at me. What was going on? I paid for the items and quickly drove home, hoping the couch was still warm. As I walked towards the front door my reflection in the window made me stop. No wonder everyone was laughing at me! I had about fifty multicolored kitties, bunnies, butterflies and poodles clipped in my hair, keeping all of my little braids in place. Just when I thought I could not embarrass myself any more than I already had that day, I topped it off with the hairdo from hell. I will never leave the house again!

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